; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
