Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
