OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
