My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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