I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
