Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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