Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My dick has a subreddit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
