I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
