Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
