hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this just has baby written all over it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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