So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
