She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
