Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
