omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize