i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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