recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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