I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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