I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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