when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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