But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
