Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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