Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
