Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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