am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
