I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
