singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
