Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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