So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
