I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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