OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
