just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
