How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
