Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
