mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
