He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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