I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
