bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize