I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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