life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize