omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
