i think my tv is drunk
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
