I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
