So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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