the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
