in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
