The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize