so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
