his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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