Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
