His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
