Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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