Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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