the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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