There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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