So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
