I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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