Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
