We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
