I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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