Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
