Do you still have your period?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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