Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
