3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Oh god it's open bar.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
