he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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