butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
