So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My penis needs a shock collar
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize