I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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