I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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