there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
