The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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