Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
