He is such a slut. More and more my type.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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