My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
