my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
