Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
