you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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