The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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