Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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