we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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