I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She bit a glass in half.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
