Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
