you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
