This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize