i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
