Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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