Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
