I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
