Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
