I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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